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    Pregnancy etiquette

    Updated:18 Mar 2014 3:54 AM | Posted by
    Samantha McMeekin's picture
    Samantha McMeekin
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    It seems these days that as soon as you fall pregnant it’s everybody’s business. What with Kim Kardashian being likened to a whale and Kate Middleton called ‘too thin’ to carry a child, I doubt I could stand the judgement, nosy questions and constant spotlight on the size of my belly that would take place if I were pregnant. Yes, I do realise that I’m not famous, but instead of the paparazzi being responsible for these actions, I’d be more worried about friends, family, acquaintances or worse… strangers in supermarkets. 

    We’ve got a couple of pregnant women in the office and there’ve been a few occasions where people have unknowingly upset or irritated them by the things they’ve said. So to ensure you don’t make the same unwitting mistake the next time you see a pregnant woman, we asked our members to give us a list of the things that people said and did that made them most peeved when they were pregnant…

    DON’T say dumb things

    This may come as a shock to you but if you know somebody is pregnant, chances are they know it, too – and have a pretty good idea what it’ll entail. There’s no need to make comments like, “you have no idea how much your life is going to change”, or “was it planned?” because majority of the time they have thought about it, did plan the pregnancy (crazy cats), and are fully aware of its impacts. Likewise, asking questions like, “should you be eating that?” or simply shaking your head and frowning as they drink their cup of coffee is a no go. It’s not your body or your baby that they’re carrying, so what they choose to eat or drink is their decision. 

    DO respect her privacy 

    “Oh yeah I love talking about my stretch marks, cellulite and sex drive!” said no pregnant woman, ever. To be honest, this one probably wouldn’t bother me so much, but most women prefer to keep private details private, and just because you know (or think you know) that their body is changing, doesn’t mean you have the right to ask about it. A good way to check whether you’re over stepping the boundaries is to think, “would I be asking if she’s still having regular sex if she wasn’t pregnant?” If the answer is no, keep your question to yourself.

    DON’T touch her belly (without asking)

    Apparently the belly bulge is sometimes a tad too tempting for people to touch – even if they don’t know its owner. Imagine standing in line at the deli, waiting patiently for your antipasto mix, when a hand sneaks up and starts caressing your stomach. Oh and now this ‘kind’ stranger is making ‘coochie coo’ noises to it too. Awesome. But in all seriousness, touching a pregnant woman’s stomach is invasive, so if you don’t know them, don’t do it – and if you do know them it’s always good manners to ask first.

    DO be considerate

    Yes I know, you’ve had a long day at work, your feet are sore and there’s no way in hell you’re giving your seat up for anyone! But try adding ten kilos, an aching back and swollen ankles to that. Yep, the signs on public transport aren’t just there for decoration; if you see a pregnant woman, do kindly offer your seat. The worst that could happen is she says no, which is a lot better than if you don’t offer and she ‘accidently’ hits you in the head with her handbag. 

    DON’T comment on her size

    No matter how excited, happy and high-pitched you say it, the words, “oh my god, look how huge you are!” may not be taken as quite the compliment. Pregnant woman are obviously going to get bigger, but just the same as you’re worried whether that snickers you ate earlier is going to show up on in your thighs next week, they’re also worried about excess baby weight. Not to mention the fear of how much it’ll hurt if their baby’s head is in fact the size of a basketball. The same goes if you think they’re smaller than they should be. While, “wow you’re looking so slim!” is usually a phrase every woman is dying to hear, saying it to a pregnant woman can worry her and make her think her baby isn’t growing properly. So what can you say? We reckon, “oh my god you look a-MAZING” generally gets good results!

    What are some things you should NEVER say to a pregnant woman? What annoyed you while you were pregnant?

     

    63 Member Comments

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    Ellelily 6 Mar 2018 5:16 PM

    Some people seem to have no filter and assume that they can say anything

    jlsta 4 May 2017 7:23 PM

    yes please don't comment on size lol

    Divine Diva 18 Mar 2014 3:54 AM

    My boss told me I was fat just before I finished up work last week! He was lucky I wasn't holding a knife, however my boss has put on quite a bit of weight and while I'm not normally a nasty person I asked him when he was due! I know how much he hates people talking about his weight so I thought why not? You just made me feel like crap so right back at you! I think sometimes you need to just wait for them to say something to you before you open your mouth. Imagine if they told you, you were fat, works both ways.

    Sammieeb 15 Aug 2013 7:19 AM

    Asking if there's more than one, or questioning your due date (either because they think you're too big or small for how many week's pregnant you are)...

    Blink182 30 Jul 2013 11:51 AM

    Very helpful

    careglio 26 Jul 2013 4:00 PM

    Great read!

    Suz148 8 Jul 2013 4:35 AM

    another thing to avoid, is overloading pregnant women with advice. Unless they ask you for it that is. They are probably already getting enough from their mother and mother in law. While you may have the VERY best intentions, its these little things that can be the most overwhelming.

    Marshmello brain 3 Jul 2013 11:06 AM

    its hard being a woman!

    LovelyOne 1 Jul 2013 1:33 PM

    @ manveen - if you make an honest mistake by thinking someone is pregnant when they are not - just say oh you looked like you were glowing, that's why I thought you might have been pregnant. One of my friends did the same thing to a shop assistant who often serves her at a health food shop and she gave her that line when she found out she wasn't pregnant and the shop assistant was happy with the complement.

    LovelyOne 1 Jul 2013 1:28 PM

    I've put on 18kgs and I've got 3 weeks to go (increased from 53kgs to 71kgs). I'm mostly tummy. I know it is huge and the more people tell me the more self conscious I feel about it. I even had people tell me in the earlier days that they bet I'll find out I'm carrying twins. Or that when I have the baby I might surprise everyone and have two in there... No! There is just one. There is one heart beat in there and they have had a look around with the ultrasound on quite a few occasions - there is definitely only ONE.

    manveen 29 Jun 2013 1:38 PM

    slightly unrelated but i once asked a friend when she was due and she wasn't pregnant. honest mistake!

    Shop A Everyday 28 Jun 2013 5:46 AM

    very nice advice, i was really crook while pregnant and didn't get any cravings

    Shop A Everyday 28 Jun 2013 5:43 AM

    very nice advice, i was really crook while pregnant and didn't get any cravings

    Trish_D 26 Jun 2013 11:07 PM

    Great to air this - amazing how it is something so many people think they have a RIGHT to speak up on - although it was MANY years ago I was irritated by people I didn't know thinking they had every right to tell me what I should and shouldn't do. At least it made me super aware not to do anything that could be irritating when my lovely daughter-in-law was pregnant.

    AmberB 26 Jun 2013 12:52 PM

    Great points

    CherryBlossom 26 Jun 2013 12:52 PM

    Its always better to be safe and not say something just in case you're wrong. People say all sorts of things, sometimes without thinking at all, but hopefully with good intentions.

    FeatheredBeauty 26 Jun 2013 10:00 AM

    I would just try to avoid them!

    Annatahs 26 Jun 2013 4:52 AM

    Lucky for me that I read this article first before meeting my newly pregnant friend. Just in case.

    TheBeatlesFan 26 Jun 2013 3:48 AM

    I am 7 months pregnant with my first. It is a beautiful experience. Your body really is incredible and conception is mind blowing. Sure there are moments when you have to adjust to your different body (inside and out) but knowing you have a child growing inside you makes every second worth while. The thing I miss most - sleeping on my tummy! But I can enjoy that again once bubby is here!

    Jenniqua 26 Jun 2013 2:06 AM

    These certainly are great tips. I have never been pregnant so I tend not to say too much except that you look amazing.

    Piccolanippy 25 Jun 2013 7:18 PM

    I've never touched a pregnant belly except for the one time my pregnant sister grabbed my hand and screamed "quick feel my belly you can feel him kicking!"

    Bianca sarah 25 Jun 2013 12:08 PM

    Useful article. I found that everyone wanted to give me advice which is ok but then men and people that had not experienced pregnancy would also start telling me how I should do things which I found amusing at times :-)

    HMad 25 Jun 2013 11:51 AM

    I think the last point is so important, I hated people commenting on my size when i was pregnant, whether it was small or big!

    susan8D 25 Jun 2013 7:54 AM

    Hahha yes never just randomly touch their belly.. it seriously is rude

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